Iris Toredatter Soland - Beating anxiety

Photo: Ola Bjøgerud

Meet Iris, an experienced snowboarder with a lot of courage and willpower. Iris has dealt with anxiety and being her worst enemy for several years. Read about how snowboard and a very strong will got her back on her board and out in nature.

Hey Iris. Thanks for talking to us. Tell us a little bit of who you are

Perhaps the most difficult question. I don’t quite know, but I’m still trying to figure it out. What I do know, is that I am 34 years old, I rarely comb my hair and my nickname is sometimes The Crow. I probably have what we in Norway call «ants in the ass» which means my energy level is extremely high. And my feelings - a roller coaster.

How long have you been snowboarding for?

I bought my first snowboard from a local sports shop when I was around 14/15 years old with my own savings. Dad thought it was nonsense, but eventually he saw the joy I had from it, playing on the field behind the house. I never came home in time for dinner. Then I stopped snowboarding for ten years, but I have been active around 11/12 years.

So you took a break from snowboarding for several years, how come you stopped?

I stopped snowboarding after January 2009. The reason was my low confidence. I got sick. Nauseous. Stressed. The anxiety popped in quickly and was unpredictable. I didn´t find the joy of it, only the feeling that I wasn’t good enough. I pulled myself more and more away and always came up with excuses for not going on trips, events or just meeting friends. I started to hate myself and say ugly things. I literally become my own bully. It was easier that way. To escape all the feelings inside of me, feelings I had no control over.

Photos: Iris and Alice Asplund

Thank you for sharing Iris, it really hurts to read. How long have you had anxiety for?

I was bullied and excluded a lot when I was younger, which probably is the reason of my anxiety and trauma. I don’t for know how long exactly, but its not a new thing.

How did you get back to snoboarding again?

Lucky for me I have a boyfriend who pushes and supports me, he really is a bauta. He has been interested in skiing as long as I have known him, and when he was out skiing, I sat inside. He sometimes asked me if I wanted to join and I wanted to, but I couldn’t. Then a January day in 2019 he told me we were going to Norefjell, it wasn’t even a question. I got very insecure and went several rounds with myself. Spent a looong time from the car to the ticket office. Even longer time to buckle myself onto the board. However, that day - that day was indescribable. So many feelings. I often think that when I get old, I want to look back on a life that I´ve lived, instead of a life I tried to escape from.

So happy for you. What has snowboarding done for your mental health?

So much. First of all, it has changed my heart rhythm, the stress and it simply gets me in a better mood. It has also given me an insight that I actually needed help. For even if I don’t like myself, I’m stucked with me. Today. Tomorrow. The next years. I am stucked with me. Therefore, I just have to become friends with myself. Be my biggest supporter, instead of being my biggest bully. Now I go to a psychologist at Modum Bad and I am working on finding answers to all the questions I have in my body, mind and life.

You´re such an inspiration to us. Where do you find your motivation and courage?

These are words that does not fit into my perception about myself, but thanks. Where do I find them? By being in the rawness of the nature. Watch movies about-and-by inspiring people. It is also motivating to hang out with my boyfriend and his friends in the mountains. They are all extremely fond of skiing. Then I come, stumbling after with my splitboard. I promise, it’s more motivating than it sounds.

What is the best thing about snowboarding?

The feeling of freedom. The joy of just being. Forget time and place. Just be me. Here and now.

Photos: Daniel Sandland and Alice Asplund

What are your thoughts on the board culture in general?

Less male dominant now than earlier, which is great fun. But I do have to give creds to Ane who started Grlshred who really works with inclusion in the board sport for girls. She has been one of those who has inspired me, and I´m left with the feeling of being good enough, no matter what level we are at. I have been invited to events and trips, and even if my anxiety at some point took posession over my body, I managed to do some of it. That is a feeling of mastery. I personally believe that I have made friends for life and that’s a good feeling.

What do you feel should be done to equate girls in board sports?

Good question. It´s still dominated by men, that´s a fact. However, it has changed a lot since I bought my first snowboard and was one of three girls in the ski resort. To equate girls, I think there has to be a lot of passionate souls who paves the way for those who come after. But, I also believe we need to invest in women and girls. We may not have sharp elbows as some of the boys, and we may have a little more difficulty in “falling and failing”. (Now I’m talking from my snowboard.) But we can do it.

Preach! Girl power all the way. If there is someone struggling with anxiety and getting out the door, what is your best tip?

I don´t know if it is a tip, but I use a lot of music as therapy. I try to play music I associate with nature or snowboarding. It helps me to get out. On the most stormfull days, when Im really lost - I try to open my window and sit by the bed. I use all of my senses. What do I hear? What do I feel in my body? What do I smell? What do I see? But we also have to accept that some days that are not as good as others. It’s like waves, it comes and goes. And even if it feels like you have a bunch of snow over you, to ask for help is not a lost option. I am not kidding. It helps a lot to talk about it.

Such a great tip. Last, but not least. Have you planned something for this season?

Of course. The plans are to make many wild, steep and fun trips. My goals for the winter are Store Ringstind, which is one of the classic trips in Hurrugane, Norway. And Store Smørstabbtinden. Last year I managed my goal of snowboarding down Skogshornsrenna, which gave me more taste for steep driving. This year I want to go down Nordrenna/Batcave, but I don’t know if I am strong enough for it yet. But who knows. First of all, I need the snow to do it.

Thank you Iris, we are so grateful and proud of you sharing your inner thoughts and story. Give her a follow on Instagram: Iris

Do you know anyone with a story to tell, or maybe you’ve got one yourself? Don’t hesitate to write us: contactgrlshred@gmail.com